Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
