I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
