Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
