Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
