i can't believe i had my finger in that
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
