Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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