But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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