Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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