Your mouth is God's brothel.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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