At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
