Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
