as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
