hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
