I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
