He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
