The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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