Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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