It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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