ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
