I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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