hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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