I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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