i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
