Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
