Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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