I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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