They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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