those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
