new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
