Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
