Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Im part way to drunk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
