When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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