I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
