That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You've changed since you got that strap on
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
