I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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