I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
