In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
