you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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