The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
