the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
