My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
