Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
