im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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