You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found puke in my bra..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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