Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
