just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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