I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
