I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
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You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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