I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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