You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
