today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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