Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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