but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
