I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
