Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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