yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Still dying that you shit outside
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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