Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
