Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
