I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
