The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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