I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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