Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
