so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
