no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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