Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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