WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
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something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize