Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
