Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
