Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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