I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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