I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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