Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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