I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
