Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
