i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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