10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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